


(lack of) self preservation

by peachsneakers



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Logan is a good boi, M/M, Morally Neutral Deceit Sanders, Remus typical stuff, So they aren't super unsympathetic, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Sympathetic Remus Sanders, They would be horrified, They'd never want him to do that, Unsympathetic Others, but still
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 02:57:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21111548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/pseuds/peachsneakers
Summary: Remus is lucky to have Deceit. He doesn't care what the others think. He never has.





	(lack of) self preservation

**Author's Note:**

> the lyrics at the beginning are from skillet's "feel invincible"

_You make me feel invincible_  
_Earthquake, powerful_  
_Just like a tidal wave_  
_You make me brave_  
_You're my titanium_  
_Fight song, raising up_  
_Like a roar of victory in a stadium_  
_Who can touch me 'cause I'm (I'm made of fire)_  
_Who can stop me tonight (I'm hard wired)_  
_You make me feel invincible_

He knows he shouldn't eavesdrop. It's a bad habit he's picked up from Dee, and he doesn't even have the excuse of being Thomas's self-preservation. Deceit _has_ to eavesdrop, has to stay on top of every little white lie and half-truth, has to stay on his toes for Thomas and his well-being. Remus doesn't have to do any of that.

Nevertheless, he's glad for it when he appears in the living room, ready to create a spot of friendly chaos, and hears the others in the kitchen.

"I wonder what Deceit wanted?" Logan muses, stirring what sounds like yet another cup of coffee. At this mention of his boyfriend, Remus creeps closer, for once, trying to be stealthy, like a piece of roadkill on the street outside. "It seemed important."

"He was sneaking around!" Patton shoots back, indignant. "I'm sorry, Logan, but he should know better than to sneak around like that."

"Him and his creepy snake-face," Roman puts in. Remus's face darkens at his brother's words and he's hard put not to slip in there and perform a little repeat performance on his brother's skull with his morning star. How dare he poke fun at Deceit's insecurities? Dee never _used_ to hate himself for his snake attributes. It's only been since he revealed himself to Thomas and the stupid _Light Sides_ that Remus has caught him frowning in the mirror or trying to pry off his scales. He's _gorgeous_, snake face and all, and Remus loves him for who he is.

"It's _Deceit_," Virgil stresses. Remus trembles with rage, hands clenched at his sides. Of all the people to treat Deceit like something poisonous, the former _Dark Side_ has no room to talk. Once a Dark Side, always a Dark Side. It's not like he left his Tempest Tongue behind, is it? Or his other attributes. Oh no, _those_ were fine to keep when he slunk into the Light Sides commons. Just his old friends were trash. "Is he _ever_ up to any good?"

"He seemed upset," Logan comments and that finally pushes Remus over the edge. He sinks out before he can do or say something Dee will make him regret, dashing through the Dark Sides commons until he reaches Deceit's room. 

"Dee Dee?" He calls through the closed door. "Dee Dee, are you all right?"

"Go 'way," comes Deceit's slurred words. Alarm spikes through Remus like a handful of poison-tipped porcupine quills. He rattles the doorknob. It's locked.

"Dee, what did you do?" Remus demands.

"Doesn't matter," Deceit demurs. "They'll all be happy... Just wanted some fucking _food_..." Remus hears a thump from inside, as if something's fallen over.

"Oh, Dee," Remus breathes. He gives up on the door and appears in Deceit's room, relieved that Dee didn't think of locking him out that way, too. Then all coherent thought flees when he sees his boyfriend.

He's lying slackly on his side, his sleeves rolled to his elbows. A dagger that Remus recognizes from Roman's side of the Imagination lies to one side, covered in what could almost pass for dark red syrup. Long, thin lines bleed sluggishly down both of Deceit's primary arms.

"You even remembered to go up the road, not across the street?" Remus whispers, panic lodging itself like he's swallowed a live bird. Dee nods weakly.

"Oh no, oh no, no, no," Remus babbles. The first aid kit is in the Light Side. He isn't sure what happened to theirs. And he can't conjure one, especially not when he's so worked up. He doesn't know _what_ will show up, but it won't be anything he can use to help Dee.

Mind made up, he bounces to his feet (when did he fall to his knees, anyway, he can't even remember).

"I'll be right back," he promises. Then he re-appears in the Light Sides commons. The others are still in the kitchen, although he doubts they'll stay that way for long as he pelts up the stairs, shoving open the door to the bathroom. He paws through the cabinets, nearly sobbing in relief when he finally spots the first aid kit.

"What are _you_ doing up he- Remus?" Roman asks uncertainly, seeing his brother in tears. Remus turns and glares at them, all of them.

"Shut up, shut up, shut _up_," he snarls. "This is all _your_ fault, anyway-" And before the others can react, he sinks back out, skidding to Deceit's side and flinging open the first aid kit.

"You don't have t' help, y'know," Deceit tells him dreamily. The human side of his face is very pale. "I prob'ly can't die, anyway."

"Yeah, well, I'm not taking the chance," Remus says, mentally blessing Logan's preparedness, as the kit comes with a sutures kit. He's never sewn someone up like _this_ before, but he has plenty of experience in Frankenstein-esque abominations.

"This will hurt," he warns, serious as he takes up Deceit's arm. It's a little hard to see what he's doing, but he doesn't care, stopping only long enough to dab away the worst of the blood. Finally, he's done with that, and he wraps Deceit's arms in bandages, trying to remember what to do from the little bits and pieces he's picked up. He doesn't know if it's enough, but hopefully if it's not, Dee will help later. Dee will be better later. He prays that Dee feels better later. This isn't the first time he's thought of offing himself, but he thinks it's probably the most serious attempt.

"Dee?" Remus whispers. Dee looks at him, eyes glazed. "Please be okay. I love you. I'd rip out my heart and give it to you if I could and you wouldn't complain about getting blood on the carpet." He pauses and frowns, looking around. The floor resembles an abattoir. "Well, usually," he amends. "Who cares what the others think? They don't matter. You matter. _You matter,_" he repeats. "Please- please talk to me when you feel like this, don't-" He sniffs and realizes he's crying. Well, who cares. It's not every day you realize your boyfriend tried to kill himself, even if as sides, they probably can't die.

"Don't cry," Deceit mumbles. He lifts one of his auxiliary arms, fingertips gently resting on Remus's tear-stained cheek. "'m sorry, Remus. I love you."

Remus leans forward, peppering Dee's face with soft, slightly bristly kisses. 

"Fuck the others," he says. "Fuck them and their buttholes. We'll make Thomas see how important you are one day."

"And you," Dee murmurs, struggling to sit up. "Kindly do not forget about yourself." Remus grins crookedly, supporting Deceit and helping him to stand, so he can lie on the bed.

There's an almighty crashing sound and Logan, Roman, Patton, and Virgil burst through the door.

"Deceit, what-" Virgil begins before he stops, staring with wide eyes at the puddles of blood on the floor. Patton makes a little hurt sound and Remus feels his anger rise and rise because how _dare_ they act shocked and appalled, it's _all their fault_-

"Out!" He roars, spit flying from his mouth. "Get _out_, you don't deserve to be here, you're the reason he's like this, get _out_!"

"...We are?" Roman asks, his mouth trembling. Remus hates that it makes his heart squirm like a dying maggot, seeing his brother upset.

"He's just _sneaking around_," Remus mimics, seeing the realization dawn in their eyes. "Him and his _creepy snake-face_. He looks _amazing_, snakey face and all, and all he wanted was some fucking _food_, you-"

"We're sorry," Virgil says in a tiny voice. "I- I didn't-"

"Get out," Remus repeats, defeated. "He's fine, okay, I found him in time. You don't have to _care_ anymore."

"But I do care," Logan says. He looks like he doesn't know what he's feeling or how to handle it. Remus frowns.

"You can stay," he decides, darting across the room and seizing Logan's wrist. "The rest of you, get out."

"Lo-" Patton begins, but Remus shakes his head.

"_Out!_" He demands. The other three reluctantly file out, and Remus slams the door behind them, fixing it with an impatient wave and locking it securely.

"Why him?" Dee asks curiously from the bed. Remus shrugs.

"I heard him," he says. "He wanted to know what you wanted. He wasn't a jerk."

"I try not to be," Logan says, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Er- Do you mind if I clean up in here?"

"I think the blood adds to the decor," Remus says. "But Dee probably doesn't. So."

"Please," Deceit adds. Remus clambers up in bed, pulling Deceit gently into his lap and stroking his hair. Logan tidies the floor with quick precision, focusing on his work with the tip of his tongue just barely pushed past his teeth.

"You blep, too!" Remus can't help but crow. Logan flushes as he looks up.

"What do you mean?" He asks. Remus cranes his head to peer into Dee's face.

"Dee, show him," Remus says. Dee heaves a long-suffering sigh and lets the tip of his forked tongue poke out, flicking the air. "See?" Remus says. "A blep. You do it, too."

"Well, then," Logan says, but there's a tiny smile playing around his mouth when he does. He stands up, banishing the cleaning supplies into thin air. "If that is all-"

"No," Remus blurts out. "Wanna cuddle? Dee loves cuddling. It's a snake thing, I think. He has a heat lamp in the closet."

"Interesting," Logan says, his eyes alight with curiosity. "I suppose I could cuddle for a little while."

Remus grins as Logan climbs into bed on Deceit's other side.

"Are you all right?" Logan asks, peering into Dee's face. "I suppose that is an insensitive question-"

"I will be," Deceit says, closing his eyes. "Thank- thank you."

"Good," Remus says in satisfaction. "Because I'd have to hurt a bitch if you weren't."

"Remus," Dee chides gently. Remus presses a kiss into the cloud of Deceit's hair.

"It's true," he protests. "No one hurts my snake. No one."

"I know that we do not have the same relationship, but I, too, do not like to see you hurt," Logan contributes. "I don't like to see either of you hurt."

"Lo Lo, I didn't know you cared," Remus sing-songs. "Thank you," he adds, his voice turning serious. "For- for everything. Why did you all come down here, anyway?"

"I wanted to check on you and Deceit," Logan says. "I can see that that impulse was the right one."

"Not to interrupt, but I'm exhausted," Deceit says, his words punctuated by a long yawn. Remus presses another kiss to his forehead.

"Sleep then, my little snake," Remus says. "Sleep and dream of butts."

"Only if it's yours," Deceit says sleepily, and Remus quietly loses it.


End file.
